I received a message from someone who said I'm a supermom, that she liked how I
provide nutritious home-cooked food to my kids, and she liked how I take care
of my kids all day instead of sending them to daycare centers like some mothers
do, where they may not even feed the kids properly. While I appreciated
her underlying message that I'm doing a fine job as a mother, I was unhappy
about the comparison. I am a stay-at-home mom. But that does not
make me a better mom. If I had a professional career today--for monetary reasons and/or
for personal growth––and if I had to leave my kids in a daycare––I would have. Most certainly. Without a second thought. Not sending kids to daycare does not make a mother
a better mother. Not giving ready-made food does not make a mother a better mother. Please, everyone––a stay-at-home mom is in no way superior to
any, any other mom in this world.
I am a first-time mom to
my boy/girl twins who are one and half years old now, and as a stay-at-home
mom, it does get very exhausting, very physically and mentally stressful to do all the household chores and cook, feed, clean, entertain and run around my kids. It gets frustrating when
I'm with them the whole day and not able to go out or have adults to talk to or have no time to do anything for myself. It gets exhausting taking care of their needs and forgetting mine. It gets difficult doing it all on my own with no help, and there's so much more I can say. But when I
think about how a mother working at a job outside has to juggle her work
responsibilities, spend time with her husband, come back home to handle her
child, cook meals at home, be a part of social circles over the weekend while
also finishing up running errands and doing grocery and the household
chores––I have so much more respect for the woman who maintains a balance for
everything and everyone important to her, and I wonder when she gets a break?
I wonder if I can ever take this kind of challenge up. But that's
not the point. The point is –– please, please don't judge. Or go ahead and compare all you want, but don't belittle any mother. Every mom
tries really hard to be a good mom. Motherhood comes with no instruction
manual. We all as mothers learn each day and the learning does not stop
until our last breath.
So whether a mom chooses
to bottle-feed over breast-feed, whether a mom buys organic and cooks meals at
home or gets ready-made food packs to save her time, whether a mom gave birth
through c-section and preferred that than a vaginal birth, whether a mom chose
epidural to ease her pain or chose to bear it all, whether a mom chooses to
cover up while feeding her child or not, whether a mom chooses a stroller over
a baby-carrier to walk with her child, whether a mom prefers sleeping in a
separate room to get her share of sound sleep instead of co-sleeping with
her baby, whether a mom bakes from scratch or gets a boxed-mix, whether a mom
chooses to stay at home or go back to work after a maternity leave –– please
stop judging all, all of these moms. We already have enough on our plate
to worry about and we already feel burdened with our doubts about parenting and
mothering and child-rearing. Why add the mom-bashing and the mom-judging
and the mom-criticizing to the plate?
Be a helping hand to the
mom who you think needs to drag the shopping cart to the parking. Soothe
a crying baby at the airport if the mother needs to make the formula.
Distract a toddler who is throwing tantrums at the store if the mother is
already irritated handling yet another tantrum. Give an ear or a shoulder
to the mother who just wants to share about her tiring day. Reassure the
mother who feels unsure if she's doing her best –– that she is doing a fine job.
Remind her how she can see in her child's eyes how much that child loves
her. Remind her that tomorrow is a new day for her to learn and get
better at what she's already doing pretty damn well. Remind her
that no matter what –– every mother on this planet deserves the respect at this
extraordinarily amazing job we do, and only we can do as mothers.
